To The Stranger Paying for my Therapist

Dearest Angel in my life,

I am so grateful to share with you the leaps and bounds I have experienced as of late. I must admit, the road was not perfect and there was a few weeks just prior to my breakthrough, that I felt that I was stuck in the mud. I felt depressed, and a serious lack of any hope that things would ever be different for me. I was not sad or wallowing in self-pity. I was no longer a victim, but I was sitting in darkness and very accepting of that fate.

Different from feeling sorry for myself, there was just apathy – a lack of caring about where I was in life, and an acceptance of my “fate”. I felt that this was progress in itself – that I was unattached to anything, including my own outcome. I felt that this was where I was supposed to stay. Uncaring, but unattached to any one thing. I did feel intuitively as though something was not quite right though. Every morning I was waking up dreading the day before me. As much as I was unattached, shouldn’t I at least NOT be dreading my own experience?

I didn’t look for answers. I just continued to show up for Susan’s sessions but there was a lack of luster and energy on my part. I listened and continued to just let go of everything.

Then we did an exercise where I was to outline what my ideal life was. When we got to the “housing” part of it, I realized that I really…